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Fate and Destiny
... are something you can't change
Wedding Night Horror 
7th-May-2008 12:04 pm

Author : underknight

Title : Wedding Night Disaster

Rating : PG-13

Word Count : 2.925

Disclaimer : I own Jaeho, they are fucking in my car. Too bad my car was stolen by the almighty Soo Man. Huh.

Genre : Crack! [ Humour ], Romance

Length : One Shot [ Other Parts in My Journal ]

Summary : It's Jaeho Wedding Night Today! XD After so many walls between their bonding progress, it finally happends!!! Actually, it's not. Why? Of course, there are too many things in the house for Jaejoong to creat another ... chaos?

Jaejoong sat cross legged on the bed sulking and mumbling. Not only because Yunho had left him for more than an hour on their wedding night but also, for other reasons as well.

DAMN IT! It was bad enough that he forced me into wearing these horrible unfashionable wedding robes! But changing my name to Jung Jaejoong? What the fuck! Didn’t he has any sense of beauty! How bad did that sound anyway?! It’s not even Jung-Kim Jaejoong! I have the right to keep my own surname at least!

But NO! Because …

First : Yunho is way more manly than me. Huh!

Second : He is the band leader while I am just the song leader.

Third : He tops ME! All the time! Where is the justice in it anyway?! Someone please knocked some sense of sex to my beloved dear oh so called HUSBAND!

After all the mess in our relationship, he should has known about my ego pride! I am a MAN for Godless sake! MAN!

HECK, he even left me alone here during our wedding night! What on earth does he want to speak to that Old Money sucker for? Don’t tell me he has fall in love with that OLD MAN!

Grrr… I’m so going to get my revenge later. You just wait and see my dear bastard of a husband. I have a perfect plan just for you tonight. He chuckled evilly.

After all, I wasn’t called the disaster maker for nothing~.

A sinister grin formed on his lips. A smirk that … well, can rival Heechul’s sadistic grin. He stood up and went to set up his evil plans since Yunho wouldn’t be returning for awhile.

[ After an Hour ]

( Knock ! Knock ! )

The bedroom’s door opened revealing the handsome brown-haired dancer.

“Joongie? Are you there? Sorry for keeping you wait.” Yunho called out as he closed the door softly. He looked around their bedroom, but found no sign of his pale lithe bride spouse.

“Boo?” He called out again. Deep inside him, he was getting worried. Where could he be?

“Jaejo..” Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulder from behind. Heated breathing beside his ear. He turned his head to the side and saw his lover smiling seductively at him. Seductively…

“Hi honey…” That sound…immediately made our loveable leader shii became aroused. When he ( AND us ) heard that husky voice, everything increased its’ heat. Mmm…I like it when he calls me that.

Jaejoong smirked and traced his slender finger on Yunho’s jaw seductively, making the taller one groan in pleasure.

Yunho spun around and slammed Jaejoong to his chest, with one hand around the waist, the other grabbing the back of his neck. He leaned down and kissed his darling honey cake passionately. Jaejoong mewled softly and brought his arms circling the brunette’s neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

Yunho felt like he was in heaven. Indeed he was the happiest man alive. He had finally gotten rid of both the pedophiliac crazy-bastard ( Jung Ji Hoon A.K.A Rain ) and the psychotic bastard-rival ( Choi Doongwook A.K.A Se7en ). Now, he has married to his most precious person and that was undoubtedly the best thing ever happened in his life.

Yunho lifted his little lover and headed for the bed with their lips still locked. He laid the raven down gently and started to begin his advance by removing the wedding robes.

This was where Yunho started getting irritated. The robes were really complicated; in fact it was designed in such way that the zippers and buttons could only be opened from the inside. Yunho cursed angrily as he slid his hands underneath the robes to unbutton them. And worse of all, to make things more difficult that they already are, our favorite seducer couldn’t stop giggling and wriggling.

“Damn it Boo! Keep still!” Yunho growled.

“(Haha!) Then stop (pant)… (Heehee!) tickling me! (pant)… Serves you right for (Heehee!)… getting me these robes! ” Jaejoong continued laughing as the upper man tried to reach one of the buttons but wound up tickling Jaejoong’s stomach, making the raven wriggle more.

JERK! I’m gonna kill that tailor for designing such complicated robes! What a fine way to enjoy my wedding night! My Boo is not making it easier either! Yunho cursed mentally.

“ARGHH! THAT’S IT! I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” Yunho took out a (?) knife from underneath the bed, where he kept them for emergency (?) purposes and cut the robes open, revealing the delicious, vanilla creamed, smooth, slender body. Jaejoong squeaked when Yunho tore the robes and boxers off him roughly and eagerly.

Yunho licked his lips lecherously as he admired the beautiful form beneath him. Jaejoong fought to keep his blush down when he saw his sexy avenger checking him out even though it was not the first time he saw his body as naked as the babies when they born. Yunho began to unbutton his shirt before throwing it on the floor.

After that, he leaned down and kissed his beautiful wife lovingly, pouring all the love and happiness he felt into it. He couldn’t live without Jaejoong; Jaejoong was his source of life.

Jaejoong ran his slender fingers through Yunho’s semi long-hair and moaned softly. Yunho could feel his pants becoming tighter. They finally broke apart, the proof of their long kiss a cord of saliva between Jaejoong’s bruised lips.

“Yun-Yunniee, I want you now…” Jaejoong purred.

“N-Now?” Yunho asked choked, groaning at the same time. So fast! I haven’t even started teasing him yet!

“Please Yunnie! I want you in me now! Badly!” Jaejoong whined louder and began grinding his hips upward against his partner, knowing the right place to made the other one gone crazy.

Yunho clenched the sheets and moaned. Whatever Jaejoong was doing was turning him on so much that all he wanted to do was fuck his raven all night without stopping. Yunho couldn’t take it anymore. He took off his pants hastily, leaving his black boxers on. He opened drawer beside their bed to take out the lube.

But… it wasn’t there.

A frown formed and scanned through the whole drawer again. Nothing. Strange, I remember it being here yesterday.

“Yunnie? What’s wrong? ” Jaejoong asked. Yunho shook his head. Cursing silently while his baby brother down there demanded for attentions

“Nothing's wrong.” Yunho assured him. He closed the drawer and put his hand underneath the bed.

Hn. Thank god the bedside drawer wasn’t the only place I put the lubes.

However… again, there was nothing underneath the bed except a box of naughty photographs of Joongie ah. Yunho frowned deeper. He got off of Jaejoong and looked under the bed. Nothing.

He then got off and walked to their dressing table drawers, opening each one of them. No lube. Not even one in any pockets of his pants, shorts and jeans.


Yunho searched hastily and carefully in each of the drawers. Mean awhile, Jaejoong jsut sat up on the bed and watched Yunho, amused.

Yunho then went to the bathroom and opened the mirror cupboard, pushing the bottles of lotions away…and he found it!

But it was empty. Darn.

Yunho walked back to the bedroom and saw his beau waiting patiently on their bed. Yunho sighed and looked at Jaejoong longingly. Jaejoong cocked his head to the side innocently, wondering what was on Yunho’s mind.

“Boo…Can we… Can we do without the lube tonight?” Yunho suggested warily.

Jaejoong pretended to be bewildered about what Yunho had just said. His baby brown orbs began to water.

“Yunnie…(sniff) H-How could you? Y-You should already know that tonight will be the most special night for the both of us. (sniff) Are you telling me that you are going to make love to me raw?”

Yunho panicked when he saw his darling Jaejoong ah start wailing. SHIT! YOU IDIOT! Why did you have to say that for! Look at what you did! He cursed himself.

Yunho quickly climbed on the bed and embraced his dearest tightly.

“Shh… It’s ok…I promise that I’ll our night the best night ever… So don’t cry anymore ok?” Yunho spoke softly almost soothingly; patting Jaejoong’s back affectionately.

Jaejoong slowly wiped his tears with his arms and nodded. Yunho smiled and pecked his lips tenderly before standing up and walked towards the door.

“I’ll go find it now.” With that, he left their room.

Once the bedroom door was closed, Jaejoong snickered evilly. His plan for revenge was working!

You will not find a single lube in this house my dear Sasuke. Hehe! There's no way you'll know where I hid them - I've made sure of that. A malicious grin formed on his lips.


Yunho almost tore down the whole house just looking for the lubes. He was so frustrated, not just mentally or physically, but sexually too! He searched from top to bottom, from the living room, under the couch and the cushions. There was not a single one!


How can all of them be missing? I made sure I put one in every place just in case we wanted to have sex all over the house. Heck! I even made sure to buy a new one every 3 days!

Goddamn it! Why does this have to happen at the wrong moment!

Yunho clenched his fist tightly, not to mention he was still hard.

He began rummaging the kitchen drawers and cupboards. He found two lubes but they were empty. He made a reminder to throw the tubes away once they were finished. After throwing out the empty \ones, he continued searching. Still he found none.

Yunho leaned against the kitchen counter and ran his hand through his hair, annoyed.

There is only one place left and it definitely has to be there.

He stood up slowly and walked to the living room. Scanning the whole room, Yunho found a giant flower vase beside the stairs. He looked around to make sure there was no one around and made his way there.

He knelt down in front of the vase and pushed it aside. He looked around once more and took out another knife hidden inside the vase. Feeling the smooth wooden tiles with his fingertips, he finally found the hidden spot. He angled his knife at the side of wooden tile and removed it carefully.

Once the tiles were put away, he took a black box out from the small black hole. He grinned happily. Heh. It’s good thing that I kept some in my secret stash for emergency uses. Like now.

His heart was beating rapidly with excitement as he lifted the cover. Soon my beautiful Jaejoong ah…soon.

After the cover was removed, Yunho looked in the box. The happy grin became a sour scowl as he continued to stare disbelieving inside the box.

There was nothing at all inside the box. Repeat, NOTHING.

Yunho almost lost himself to insanity. He was freaking furious! There not a single lube in this house, not even in his most secret place!

T-This can’t be happening… No one knows my secret stash is hidden here! It can't be Jaejoong! The boy is too careless to know of such a place!

Yunho clutched his hair as he didn’t know what to do. For some reason, God had been so unforgiving to him these past few months. First his wedding(S) and now his wedding night. Things just couldn’t get any worse than this, could they?

Yunho almost cried but eventually, the leader shii never cries. He didn't say anything more and made his way to the bedroom quietly.

In The Bedroom

Jaejoong lifted his head from the story book he was reading when he heard the door click open. He saw Yunho walk in like a zombie and sit down at the side of the bed. So I guess he didn't find any at all, even in his secret stash. He smirked inwardly.

Jaejoong put the book aside and put his arms around his husband waist from behind pulling him in an embrace.

“Yunnie…it’s ok if you can’t find any lube today. If you really, really wanna do without it…then I suppose... it’s alright with me.” Jaejoong whispered pitifully in Yunho’s ears.

To his surprise, Yunho shook his head. “No. I want to make you feel pleasure, not pain, love.” This made Jaejoong felt a bit guilty. Yunho turned around and pulled the smaller man into a hug.

“Well…since we can’t do it tonight then we’ll do it tomorrow night then. I’ll get more lubes the next thing in the morning. And then we’ll make love the whole day, right here in our bed. Just you and me… ” Yunho whispered lovingly before lying down on the soft mattress pulling Jaejoong down with him.

“But Yunnie, tomorrow is Sunday. Won’t all shops will be closed?” Jaejoong reminded him.

Yunho suddenly remembered and cursed his luck under his breath. ARGHH! GOD really must hate me! Darn it! Why do things always have to get in the way of me and my Boo?

Jaejoong chuckled at the expression of his husband. “Heehee…Don’t worry YunYun. There’s always Monday ne? After all, Soo Man gave us a week off, so be patient will you.”

Yunho just grunted and pulled the blanket over both of them. He then pulled Jaejoong closer to his chest and fell asleep within seconds due to the exhaustion of searching for the lubes.

Jaejoong snickered quietly while congratulating himself inwardly for the success of his prank. Hell yeah!

The Next Morning

Yunho was the first one to wake up, Jaejoong on the other hand was still furring softly beside him. Yunho chuckled at his sleeping angel who looked so cute and innocent. He pushed black bangs away and kissed his forehead before getting up and heading for the bathroom.

Yunho stripped his boxer down and walked into the shower. He had had a really bad night yesterday. All he needed now was a nice cool shower in the morning.

While rinsing himself, he took his big bottle of favorite shampoo at the side and squirted in his hand. However... something was really wrong here.

The shampoo that came out wasn't black in color like it normally was, it was another color entirely. That's weird. I don't remember changing my shampoo.

Yunho sniffed it. It was a very familiar scent but definitely not his shampoos. His attention was suddenly diverted to something sticking out from the small red bin under the sink. He strode towards it and slowly opened the bin cover. He found more then 20 empty lubes in there. Then, he had an epiphany.


At that time, Jaejoong had just woken from his beautiful sleep. He yawned widely while rubbing his eyes. He then looked around, realized Yunho was not in bed and that the shower was running.

Hmm... He must be taking a morning shower... Mmm...Shower...shampoo...

Then it suddenly clicked into his groggy mind.


The bathroom door was slammed open, revealing a very angry Jung Yunho with his blazing glare activated. In his hands were two giant bottle of shampoo which contained only special lubrication.

"Good morning love." Yunho smiled dangerously at the shivering raven in bed who was already frantically forming an escape plan in his mind.

"Erm...later!" Jaejoong quickly jumped out of bed, running towards the door. But Yunho beat him to it with Lee's speed technique.

"I don't think so Boo. Cause you’re going to pay for all the trouble that I went through last night." Yunho whispered hoarsely and threateningly, scaring our little singer.

Jaejoong yelped when Yunho grabbed his arm and threw him onto the bed. He then pounced on him, straddling his hips and put one of the bottles at the bedside table. He pinned both Jaejoong’s arms with one hand and leaned down to his ears.

"I'm gonna fuck so hard that you'll be screaming for me to stop, my darling lovely wife. And I'm not gonna let you out of bed until I'm totally satisfied which is until this two giant bottle emptied" Yunho purred harshly. When Yunho spoke in that tone, he really meant it.

Rivers of cold sweat were trickling down Jaejoong’s forehead and he gulped heavily when he saw Yunho squirt a large amount of lube into his hand.

D-Damn, I should have put it in the cooking oil bottles instead and disposed of them quietly later.

Jaejoong trembled more when he saw Yunho start applying all that lube on his engorged member.

I'm such dead-meat now.

So much for SM number one prankster, huh.

A/N : Bye! I am moving my fanfic muse to another account. Til then, see you~
7th-May-2008 07:23 am (UTC)
Yupz! Jaejoong is playing with fire... er...

Yeah whatever, Hahhaha, wonder what will Jaejoong can do the next morning ne? Hahhahaha... Sleep?
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